Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
