Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
