Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
