dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
