$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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