in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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