and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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