You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize