Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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