So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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