i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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