I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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