She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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