Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
