Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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