he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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