he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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