Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
