For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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