Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
