Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
