best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
