sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
