I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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