I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
