I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A bitchslap is in order.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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