I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
