i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
