On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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