The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
