I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
