We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
