Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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