With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I AM VODKA MAN
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize