Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
