I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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