seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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