All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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