he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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