Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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