we have officially lost it.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
