just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
