Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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