I skipped work to stalk him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
