I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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