Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize