break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
