How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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