Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
