she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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