dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
