Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
