Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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