You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
