what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
