I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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