Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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