If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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