Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
