is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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