Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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