genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
