Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
