I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
