I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
