I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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