I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
