So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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