I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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