new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
