I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
