i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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