my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
