Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
