it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
