so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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