im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
